Our scores and what they mean

For anyone curious, here's what our scores represent. 


0 hombres - Simply put, this is a movie with absolutely no value whatsoever. To give you an idea of how hard this score is to achieve, if a movie gets even one thing right (one funny joke, a comprehensible plot that wasn't plagiarized, a passable performance, a decent action sequence or a single well-shot scene) it warrants at least half an hombre. There's a saying that even a broken clock is right twice a day, meaning even with complete incompetence, you're likely to get something right, if even just by accident. These movies are clocks so thoroughly broken that they're only right on the off chance that their warped and mangled hands point to a better clock.


0.5 hombres - A truly terrible movie. A top contender for worst film of the year if not longer. While sitting through a 0 hombre movie could be seen as a test of fortitude, these movies will only garner disappointed looks from people wondering why you wasted your time and/or money.


1 hombre - An awful movie. It's not unwatchable but it's not worth watching even for free. These movies could be much worse, but that's the closest thing to praise they're going to get.


1.5 hombres - A very bad movie, but one with at least a few redeeming qualities. Like a  bacon, lettuce, and dead raccoon sandwich, there are elements that work but it's far from a satisfying whole.


2 hombres - A bad but by no means terrible movie. Maybe even a guilty pleasure for some. For the rest it might be worth catching on TV if you have time to kill. Watchable enough that you can save your voice to rant in frustration another day.


2.5 hombres  - A mediocre to passable movie. Might be a worthy rental for fans of the genre or style, but nothing worth going out of your way to see. In the immortal words of Bart Simpson, "Meh." (Not making this up by the way. The Simpsons features the first credited use of the phrase "Meh.")


3 hombres - A decent movie. Too flawed to recommend with enthusiasm, but worth the price of a ticket. The bards will sing of its adequacy for ages to come.


3.5 hombres - A good movie, nothing more and nothing less. Add your own snarky commentary here if you want.


4  hombres - A very good movie. Not likely to win many major awards, but it's bound to satisfy fans and win over some skeptics too. Worth owning and rewatching, but not quite worth starting a new religion over.


4.5 - An excellent movie, maybe even a masterpiece held back by some minor flaws. A serious contender for best of the year for its genre. The sort of movie you'll want to send us angry hate mail for, demanding to know why it didn't get 5 hombres.


5 hombres - A true masterpiece. Possibly one of the decade's best. While it's not as impressive as earning the coveted 0 hombres, only two or three movies a year can hope to earn this distinction. The difference between a 4.5 and a 5 is largely subjective (technically it's all largely subjective but I think you know what we mean.)